Things I’ll Never Do Again

This is a personal post. One of those cathartic things. Skip it if you're not into that kind of thing.


So everyone's still thinking about how 2016 is going to be different and pondering all the new things that are going to come their way.

And I'm sitting here thinking about all the things I'll never do again.

And now it strikes me how many of the things on this list are a result of being privileged enough to have travelled, to have the latest gadgets and to have Internet access. Of course, I am also relieved that I will not be doing some of these things again, and some of these things just happen when you get older, I guess. But a lot of it still makes me quite sad.


Things I'll Never Do Again

  • Visit the Palace of Versailles. (I prefer my crowds slightly less claustrophobic, thank you.)
  • Rent a DVD from a movie rental store. (I'll download what I need.)
  • Phone for a taxi. (Über FTW.)
  • Buy music from a music store. (Thanks iTunes.)
  • Write a letter on paper. Or post it.
  • Write a check.
  • Visit a bank to pay money into someone's account.
  • Open an encyclopedia. (Goodbye Britannica.)
  • Visit an Internet café.
  • Follow written directions to get somewhere.(Hello Waze!)
  • Remember a phone number. (I can still remember the number for the house I grew up in though.)
  • Be bored. (There's just too much to read and to do.)
  • Be impressed by cities like Dubai or Doha. (You can do amazing things with slave labor.)
  • Own a hi-if system. (With my phone, tablet, earphones and Bluetooth speakers, I'm set.)
  • Have a land-line. (Remember those telephones with wires?)
  • Drive drunk. (I confess: I have done this more than once. But I haven't touched alcohol for going on 5 years now.)
  • Use whiteout. (I prefer backspace.)
  • Take a non-stop ferry across the Mediterranean. (One of the worst journeys I've ever been on.)
  • Wear uncomfortable shoes. (Life's just too short.)
  • Go clubbing. (Noise. No.)
  • Ride a camel. (Poor things.)
  • Buy a home which hasn't been built yet off plan. (A very costly mistake.)
  • Eat an entire chocolate cake. (I did actually did this. More than once. But not in one sitting.)
  • Wish I knew the name of that song. (There's an app for that.)
  • Teach History. (I would really rather not.)
  • Have all of my own teeth.
  • Read a new Vonnegut novel.
  • Watch a new Robin Williams movie.
  • Read Cannery Row for the first time.
  • Take out a book from a library.
  • Get another piercing. (Or use the ones I have. Don't ask.)
  • Celebrate New Year's in public. (See 'Go clubbing'.)
  • Pray.
  • Buy a Volkswagen.
  • Buy an incandescent light bulb.
  • Roller skate.
  • Lie in the sun all day. (My skin can't do it any more.)
  • Have a camera film developed.
  • Buy a stamp.
  • Think that education is mainly about filling kids' heads with facts.
  • Pay for a haircut. (I wish I could, but alas there isn't enough hair left to justify the expense.)
  • Go without a beard. (Says the man with the weak chin.)
  • Buy a scanner.
  • Wear anything neon colored. (I did. Once. I think it was the 80s.)
  • Write poetry. (Fortunately, my muse has moved on.)
  • See my mother.
  • Take a corner as fast as I can on a motorbike. (I think being a male between 18 and 25 years of age needs to classified as a mental illness.)
  • Go out too far into the ocean. (Because I have. And I almost got swept away. The waves in Africa are not pacific.)
  • Sleep for more than 8 hours without needing to pee.
  • Watch a 5 day cricket test match. (In fact, I now see this as torture.)
  • Think there might be something to homeopathy. (Or crystal healing, or reiki, or any other kind of 'alternative therapy / healing'.)
  • Be careless with wasps.
  • Play a sports match against my students. (You only need to be permanently injured once.)
  • Trust an estate agent.
  • Be careless with broken glass and / or a Stanley knife.
  • Eat shellfish.
  • Think that exams are good things.
  • Go without learning something new every week.

What are the things you'll never do again?



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