You Know You’re South African When…


  • You're more proud of your national rugby team than you are of the country they represent.
  • You know what nepotism and cronyism mean.
  • In a five minute drive, you can pass mansions and then shacks… and think nothing of it.
  • Your first step upon moving into a new place is to put in burglar bars, an alarm and spotlights.
  • The next step is to hire an armed response security company.
  • You either never use public transport or only use public transport.
  • You are used to people calling you by a made-up, simpler first name rather than your real one.
  • You've tried to subtly elbow-lock your doors at a traffic light.
  • You call traffic lights 'robots'.
  • You have a city wife and a 'home' wife.
  • You're used to being woken in the morning by the honking of hadedas.
  • You've said 'now-now' when you meant some indeterminate time in the future.
  • You've shown up late, shrugged your shoulders and said “African time!” by way of explanation.
  • You vote for a government which ends up lying, stealing and not doing very much to help you. And then you do it again out of historical loyalty.
  • You have a power blackout readiness plan.
  • You love Nelson Mandela like a father. Even though he is no longer with us.
  • You've ever said words like 'howzit', 'eish', 'holla' and 'ja'.
  • You've been mistaken for an Australian when overseas – and you went with it.
  • You're more likely to support a football team in the English Premier League than you are to support a local team.
  • You claim Elon Musk as a fellow South African.
  • You watched District 9 and Chappie just because they were set in Joburg.
  • You know how to ululate.
  • You can sing the 'click song' by Miriam Makeba.
  • You still don't know all the words to the national anthem – but you sing the parts you do know at the top of your voice.
  • You've said “We made CNN again”.
  • You've had a bosberaad in a lapa.
  • You've bought sour milk (on purpose) and called it porridge.
  • You've had a post-braai and kuier babelaas.
  • You either speak only one or two official languages or all eleven of them.
  • You still talk about when you were in Standard 9.
  • You've tipped a car gaurd at the shopping centre.
  • You've watched 'Braaimaster' with a notebook.
  • You shake hands differently with different people.
  • You can side-click with your tongue to express annoyance.
  • You spread chakalaka onto almost anything.
  • You've sworn at those &@$?ing taxis more than five times in a day.
  • You know more than three people who have emigrated to Australia.
  • The 1995 rugby World Cup final is one of the highlights of your life.
  • You believe that littering is a viable job creation strategy.
  • You consider Parliament Live to be some of the best entertainment on TV.
  • You think that yours is one of the most beautiful countries in the world.
  • You still have hope that one day South Africa will be great.

 

 

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About Sean Hampton-Cole

Fascinated by thinking & why it goes wrong➫ (Un)teacher ➫iPadologist ➫Humanist ➫Stirrer ➫Edupunk ➫Synthesist ➫Introvert ➫Blogger ➫Null Hypothesist.
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