Expand Your Consciousness In Four Steps

Expand Your Consciousness In Four Two Steps



Because at some stage of your life you are going to anyway, try any combination of the following New Age 'consciousness-raising' techniques:

  • Reiki
  • Transcendental meditation
  • Yoga
  • Spirit cleansing
  • Oxygen therapy
  • Body detoxing
  • Theta brain wave activation
  • Lucid dreaming
  • Tantric sex
  • Join the cult of positive thinking
  • Firewalking
  • Life coaching
  • Organic, vegan hipster whole-grainism
  • Pyramid power
  • Aromatherapy
  • The occult
  • Chromatherapy
  • Harmonic convergence
  • Ambient music
  • Sensory deprivation chambers
  • Creative visualisation
  • Past life regression
  • Feng Shui
  • Sufi whirling
  • Etc.



Eventually realize that you are no closer to enlightenment and transcendence and that you are in danger of becoming an incurable fluffy thinker. All that has expanded is your tolerance for bullshit.

(You may also skip these first two steps.)



Investigate and ponder any of the following:

  • The vastness of the universe and all the amazing craziness in it.
  • The beauty of evolutionary theory.
  • The sheer weirdness of modern physics. (Please do not include Deepak Chopra in your readings here – he belongs with the same mumbo-jumbo we encountered in STEP ONE.)
  • The mysteries of the human brain and how it computes perception, emotion and thought.
  • The history of philosophy. (Be very careful with 'Eastern philosophy', however, as it is a famous haunt of the the new agers.)


Realize that your consciousness has expanded in a real and significant way. It might not have been an easy ride, but you now have a fuller, richer appreciation of the true mysteries of reality. And, of course, there is no need to stop here. You can carry on reading about science and philosophy and continue to have mind-altering, brain-stretching experiences of the very real kind.

And it sure beats wallowing in woo.



Here's a bit of fun: New Age Bullshit Generator





One comment

  1. A comment by one of my Facebook friends:
    1) Locate your consciousness
    2) Follow one of the seems till you find the small valve
    3) Place your lips over the valve and gently exhale.
    4) Once your consciousness is at the right size, stop blowing and close off the valve.
    Voilà! One expanded consciousness!
    Oh wait, sorry, that’s air mattresses, not consciousnesses.


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