You Know You Teach at a Private School When…


(Image: Getty)

More from the Tongue-in-Cheek Department:

You Know You Teach at a Private School When…

  • The senior students drive more expensive cars than the faculty.
  • At least four times a year you have a parent telling you that he pays your salary.
  • School tours are to Europe.

  • Soirees and theatrical productions are held instead of concerts and plays.
  • The school canteen has a 'seasonal' section.
  • Your colleagues at government schools despise you.
  • Discipline is so much easier because students can be thrown out of the school after a sequence of major transgressions.
  • Staff enrichment sessions include talks about profits and brand awareness.
  • Arriving at the final year dance in a limo is considered 'cheap'… a helicopter, Harley entourage or a fire engine is they way to go.
  • Staff complain when the staffroom filter coffee isn't ready, or when the fireplace isn't lit or the satellite television is on the blink.
  • 25 in a class is considered unmanageable.
  • If students are not collected from school by their parents, it is by their drivers or by a private taxi.
  • Students often talk about their holiday houses, horses, and personal chefs.
  • More money is spent on refurbishing reception than on the library.
  • The biggest issue raised by students is access to wifi.
  • You can't teach when the electricity goes out.
  • Girls spend more money on a dress for the dance than you did on your wedding.
  • Staff conversations include the shameful lack of two-ply toilet paper in the bathrooms.
  • Parents have to book a time to see you in between international business trips.
  • Day excursions happen on an air-conditioned bus.
  • Staff training happens at the school's timeshare.
  • End of year gifts include expensive cognac and cigars.
  • Students are deeply shocked when things don't go their way.
  • If a teacher misplaces her handbag, she can scan the school with the CCTV cameras.
  • The entire cost of a student's ensemble, including shoes, jewelry and bags is roughly equal to your monthly salary.
  • Students get an allowance greater than your monthly grocery bill.
  • The school tuck shop has a rewards programme.
  • People are employed purely to coach sport.
  • The school has a Marketing Department.
  • There is a landscaping team.
  • You find sushi at school functions.
  • More than three people work in the Finance Department.

Got any to add?

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About Sean Hampton-Cole

Fascinated by thinking & why it goes wrong➫ (Un)teacher ➫iPadologist ➫Humanist ➫Stirrer ➫Edupunk ➫Synthesist ➫Introvert ➫Blogger ➫Null Hypothesist.
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