More from the Tongue-in-Cheek Department:
You Know You Teach at a Private School When…
- The senior students drive more expensive cars than the faculty.
- At least four times a year you have a parent telling you that he pays your salary.
- School tours are to Europe.
- Soirees and theatrical productions are held instead of concerts and plays.
- The school canteen has a 'seasonal' section.
- Your colleagues at government schools despise you.
- Discipline is so much easier because students can be thrown out of the school after a sequence of major transgressions.
- Staff enrichment sessions include talks about profits and brand awareness.
- Arriving at the final year dance in a limo is considered 'cheap'… a helicopter, Harley entourage or a fire engine is they way to go.
- Staff complain when the staffroom filter coffee isn't ready, or when the fireplace isn't lit or the satellite television is on the blink.
- 25 in a class is considered unmanageable.
- If students are not collected from school by their parents, it is by their drivers or by a private taxi.
- Students often talk about their holiday houses, horses, and personal chefs.
- More money is spent on refurbishing reception than on the library.
- The biggest issue raised by students is access to wifi.
- You can't teach when the electricity goes out.
- Girls spend more money on a dress for the dance than you did on your wedding.
- Staff conversations include the shameful lack of two-ply toilet paper in the bathrooms.
- Parents have to book a time to see you in between international business trips.
- Day excursions happen on an air-conditioned bus.
- Staff training happens at the school's timeshare.
- End of year gifts include expensive cognac and cigars.
- Students are deeply shocked when things don't go their way.
- If a teacher misplaces her handbag, she can scan the school with the CCTV cameras.
- The entire cost of a student's ensemble, including shoes, jewelry and bags is roughly equal to your monthly salary.
- Students get an allowance greater than your monthly grocery bill.
- The school tuck shop has a rewards programme.
- People are employed purely to coach sport.
- The school has a Marketing Department.
- There is a landscaping team.
- You find sushi at school functions.
- More than three people work in the Finance Department.
Got any to add?
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